I always found it strange that the Prince fell in love with a dead girl. Did he want a passive wife? Jack Zipes book Don’t Bet on the Prince is an excellent feminist look at fairy tales. Another great book is From the Beast to the Blonde by Marina Warner. I love fairy tales and I love learning their origins.
This story is not a Disney version and definitely not suitable for children. It was shortlisted in Gilgamesh connections fable competition II way back in 2010!
Snow White’s Prince
“Oh the horror, the horror,” I cried. Chaos confronted me from every angle. Bodies lay where they fell, some half-dressed, some in more intimate poses. Maybe I should get my mobile out and start snapping, my allowance was never enough and I could do with a few extra dollars. I smiled to myself as I surveyed the debauchery, what fun, what joy, what a party. “I need to clear my head.”
I left the party aftermath and stumbled my way to the stables.
The stable boy was asleep and I kicked him awake, “Damn you boy, have my horse saddled or I will have you whipped.”
After a hard night of partying, I needed fresh air. I needed to invigorate my soul and I paced up and down the yard waiting for my trusty steed. Eventually the damn boy emerged with my red maned beauty and I took off on Evilaquen. We galloped through the forest, the wind tousled my hair. I’m sure I looked like the perfect handsome Prince. If only my followers could see me now, I’d have maidens throwing themselves at me. My heart was pounding and I could hear its rhythm in my ears. Evilaquen had worked up a sweat and she slowed down automatically when we entered a clearing.
I dismounted and lay down on the emerald grass, breathing in the pure air. Purity is not something I’m used to. I turned my head and saw some mushrooms. Raising myself on one elbow I leaned over for a closer inspection. I had to be the luckiest Prince around, for they were of the magic variety. “Beautiful mushrooms, just what I needed for a pick-me-up.” I ate a handful and put the rest into my saddlebag. Wandering through the clearing I searched for more, but to no avail. The trees were green and vibrant and the leaves pulsated with life. I could almost hear them breathe. The birds flew lazily overhead I could count each feather and see the rainbow reflected in their plumage. The clouds were so white I had to shade my eyes from the glare. “Wow, these mushrooms are great.” Time to get back to the castle and get the party started. “Make haste Evilaquen,” I cried as I mounted her. My voice sounded like a musical melody.
On my way back, I chanced upon some dwarves or as they prefer to be called VCP “Vertically Challenged People.” They were gathered around a sleeping girl in a glass box. She was a stunner, hair black as coal, skin white as snow, lips red as blood and so kissable.
My loins began to stir. I spoke to the VCP and found out her name was Snow White. Her evil stepmother had killed her with a poisoned apple. The VCP were beside themselves with grief. Her beauty was so great that they could not face putting her in the cold dark ground.
My mind began to whirl with ideas. She did not look dead; in fact, I could almost see the blood coursing through her veins. God these mushrooms were good. I had never tried necrophilia, but hey, I will try anything once. My friends and I could have so much fun. I acted as sincere as possible, not an easy feat I might add when one is hallucinating, but my acting skills prevailed. I convinced the VCP I had fallen instantly in love with the beautiful Snow White.
“My dear subjects, I, The Handsome Prince, offer my service to you. Allow me to take and care for Snow White. For, is she not a lovely maiden who deserves the best and I can give her the best.”
Well at least until she starts to smell, then the pigs can have her. They fell for it and allowed me to remove her from her glass display case. As I lifted her, I could not help myself. I had to kiss those sweet lips. How I regretted that indiscretion. The bitch coughed and spluttered, spewing apple into my face. The VCP were delighted and I to my horror was forced to marry her or face the wrath of seven Vertically Challenged People.
Moral of the story is keep away from dead girls when you are hallucinating, or you may live to regret it.